Credits: Bayo Omoboriowo Photography
I choose this title because part of what I have in mind to write aligns very well to a large extent with the title of a popular flick by Tyler Perry. In the movie, why did I get married, we see different couples work out their marital salvation, the journey though was not easy but it taught a very big lesson-that people could be married with respect to conventional wisdom and the dictates of the society and in obeisance to the biblical injunction “twain shall cleave to each other and become one” and yet not many know why they are married in the first place. It also shows how vulnerable as humans we are to emotional impulses and external challenges that seem to threaten the foundations of marital bliss.
While there is no form of psychological insurance against a troublesome day when married, it is yet a possibly romantic reality that a romantic dream may not culminate into a troublesome marriage. But the simple truth is your happiness in marriage depends on what you expect from it. It has to do with your personal expectations, both on your part and that of your spouse, it has to do with your little orientation and belief from your moral, social and traditional upbringing. It has to do with what you hear or have heard, what you listen to or listened to and what you constantly brooded upon.
As humans, what makes up our belief systems comes largely from the external influences of the things we are exposed to. Take for example, someone who is always in the environment of divorced people, she is bound to have the inbuilt fears that someday her marriage will hit the rocks, that her marriage will hit the ice and end up in complete fiasco. As the saying goes, as you make your bed so you lie of it. This reminds me of a lady who used to go and help out her aunty in a nearby saloon. As she became acquainted with the trade, she was always hearing ladies come in and lay their frustrations out to each other. She would watch their reactions and their patterns of thought. With time, her belief system was shapened and centered around such negative thought.
Then came a day in the Sunday school and was asked what she thinks were the benefits of marriage and then came the shocker! Marriage is for hopeless and lazy people! This answer, startled the Sunday school teacher who, not only became filled with rage but also with mild bits of laughter, immediately called for the attention of the district pastor and the girl’s parents for them to explain the source of their daughters’ information. It was then learnt they she has acquired such beliefs from the saloon. So we are primary or secondary products of what we are exposed to daily either consciously or subconsciously.
But the very big question remains, what do I expect from marriage?