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Think Girls,think money. But when the conventional analogies of this covalent relationship begin to veer off the usual run way. Truth is the weaker’ vessel becomes an object of social jest.’

Hey guys! Today we have DankarO ShintO telling us what Grinds his gears. Enjoy.
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Ladies and gentlemen, children of ages 13+, welcome once again to the amazing world of Kemi’s TTGMG. As much as I would love to stand on existing protocols and get straight to the point, I’m afraid I have to do a little education.

This might be a bit out of point but seeing as the actual thing that grinds my gear can be stated in a simple sentence I’m trying to get this to be presentable long enough to be classed as an article and I’ve always being intrigued by the differences and relationship between them, I’m gonna teach you guys the difference between liquors and liqueurs before we move on.

In general, “liqueurs” are sweetened spirits with various flavors, oils, and extracts. Liqueur alcohol content can range from a low 15% to 55%, so potency is not a distinguishing factor. Rum, whiskey, brandy, and other liquors can serve as a base spirit for liqueurs. Cream liqueurs have cream added, while créme liqueurs are much sweeter, likened to a potent syrup. Our ancestors referred to liqueurs as cordials, and they were often used medicinally. Now, we just use them to pull trips.

Liquor is an alcoholic beverage made of grains or other plants which is fermented into a potent drink. Although sugar is generally used in the fermentation process, the resulting liquor is not sugary sweet. Liquors are nowadays available in flavored forms, but they are not sweet to the palate. The flavor is usually added after distilling through a steeping process, much like vinegars and oils are infused.

*professor mode deactivated*

This brings me to the moral of the story:

Nigerian, or should I say African girls seem to be unable to handle their alcohol.

See for a while now, I’ve declared myself perpetually single and wholly celibate. For that reason, I’ve come to be the usual “third wheel” in all hanging out and drinking sessions with my friends, their babes and most times “le side boo”.

*please don’t ask bout my Valentine’s day*

This new found lack of inhibition and freedom to imbibe led me to that very disappointing conclusion.

First off, let’s establish why alcohol is essential to having an awesome party.

In an ideal situation and a perfect world, girls would come to parties, sidon free chair, chop free food, drink free juice and dance. Emphasis here on Dance. In this oh so wonderful place, the host won’t have to run around trying to use paint thinner to unstick their butts from the chairs on which they have turned Mount Zion that can’t be moved.

Alas we live in a warped world where to get the testosterone immersed dance floor diluted with a little estrogen can be likened to getting the Head-Arab-In-Charge of Iran to admit that they are building nuclear weapons. And there, my dear Frodo is where alcohol comes in. Yes, plenty alcohol can do what the combo of Lynnxx and Brymo were not able to achieve in the last party I went to.

Okkie, now let’s use the unfortunate analogy of the “developed” and “underdeveloped” countries.
In the so called developed countries, when a girl is given a drink, manipulated into drinking or just plain told “drink this booze or die”, she becomes the life of the party. And when you’ve got about 10 girls who are the “lifes” of the party, then the term awesome may be vaguely introduced into any further future references to the said party.

From the above paragraph, I’d like y’all to remember the key phrase; “life of the party”.

Now let’s navigate closer to home. The erstwhile “underdeveloped” abodes like ours. I’d like kemi to design a research around this though, cause I’m puzzled by the 360 degree about turn we find closer to home. You make the MISTAKE of giving a girl booze to drink in Nigeria, then you’ve single handedly ruined you day, night, coming day and coming night, and possible your entire week.

(Insert your tale here)

For those of us with delusions of grandeur, we find it funny and actually look down on girls which drink anything other than liqueur. Of which the most common is Baileys. The said Baileys I’m certain has been the downfall of so many masculine spirits in various stages of inerbraitions. The thing is they(girls) become a Liability! You give her half a glass, just half a glass of Baileys and she magically metamorphoses into……

*Wait for it*

DODO.

Tada……(^⌣^ʃƪ)

Not the firm aggressive fried plantain we buy in the bukkas’ and eateries my dear Frodo, Nah, I’m talking bout the overripe ones we eat at home cause everyone was too lazy to fry it until it was almost bad. Yea the kind dodo wey dey turn belle.

So since human cloning, breeding and artificial selection have being deemed unethical and immoral, I think the best way is to avoid the problem. So for my ladies out there before you take that sip, remember that you’re may just be on your way to ruining not just your good time but the guy that’s trying to get you to drink it too. So take out time and explain to the dude. And trust me, if he’s got an iota of common sense, he’s gonna go look for a Wafi babe. Guaranteed to drink him under the table.

And for the ever teeming, youthful- exuberance-exuding-and-eager-to-get-her-drunk male folks out there, trust me on this one. Its so not worth it! Since we are unable to alter the defaults of the female psyche, anatomy and physiology to more beneficial settings, niccuhs…..get a Calabar girlfriend. They are always on a high!

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What do I know about alcohol?(._. )

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