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The year was 2010, sometime in May, I’d travelled back home from school then. I’d gone to apply for the original copy of my academic transcripts, school was a bit hot’ then and I decided not to spend much time around the school for safety reasons. Just then I ran into Obinna Onugha and somehow a discussion ensued and some days later this note followed suit.

Recently, Onyeka Asadu said something regarding this note, here’s it.

Nice One bro. God has used you to speak to me. Almost 3 years after composing this. Indeed, the word of God is alive and active. God bless you real good. I would like to share this to others.

Originally, this note was written three years ago, but I feel like sharing it from my archives. Enjoy!

The sins of my youth stinks before God. My blood stained hands of lies and my sugar coated tongue of deceit, my unforgiveness against those I hate and my jealousy towards things I envy. My blood oath in the confraternity and the guilt with I ran to him, my conscious effort to change has not made God impressed. Rather He loved me from my birth. Now I am a better man. Walking in the light. I’m in love with this piece. Yet in all of these; I’m naked and not ashamed

 

Light!

                                                             Light In The Tunnel

“For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me!” Job 3:25 I never thought it would be easy but I never imagined it would be this difficult either. Surely you promised that I would not be tempted beyond that which I can bear. Perhaps this time, you have totally over-estimated my capabilities. Eloi Eloi, forgive me for I have sinned! My faith wanes! My spirit is broken! The emptiness in my eyes is a reflection of my soul! Everything seems futile now. All the sermons, all the books, all the services and camp meetings, all the proofs of your existence, the evidence of your love and the workings of my faith. Nothing could stop me! Instead the salvation that I so publicly celebrated has become my only regret. If only I were not saved; then no one would judge me, including me! How can I ever keep to all your statutes and ordinances? How much longer can I pursue after righteousness? Why do I have to suffer my flesh to work in your ways? When do I get a respite from fighting temptations? In all this I am alone in the dark. Trapped in my misery and guilt. My secret is safest with me. The secrecy kills me. Questions of why and how echo in my thoughts. I torment myself with ‘would haves’, ‘could haves’ and ‘should haves’. Finally, and on my knees, I cry out. “Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I am weak and need your strength to get through this. Please Lord do not let my faith fail”

As Much as we hate to admit it, Christendom is littered with the carcasses of lives and ministries decimated by compromise and sin. We cannot deny the reality of the moral lapses of Christians and Christian leaders. If you are a believer, there are three critical facts about sin you must understand.

#1: You are targeted for sin! Satan is out to get you.

#2: You are vulnerable to sin! There is not and never has been any mystical antibody that makes you immune to sin.

#3: You are fully responsible for your moral choices! Many times we stroll casually into sin. Some other times we run into it. (Sexual Temptations, Randy C Alcorn)

Apostle Paul, alone in the dark, writes “I do not understand what I do. For I have the desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; No! The evil I do not want to do – this I keep doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it…. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Romans 7:19-20 & 24. Obviously, this is a man that has been slapped, knocked, shoved down, tossed around, turned inside-out and punched unconscious by sin.

 Douglas Coupland, alone in the dark, also writes; “I think I am a broken person. I seriously question the road my life has taken and I endlessly rehash the compromises I have made in my life. I have an insecure and vaguely crappy job with an amoral corporation so that I do not have to worry about money. I put up with halfway relationships so as not to worry about lonliness. I have lost the ability to recapture the purer feelings of my younger years in exchange for a streamlined narrow-mindedness that I assumed would propel me to “the top”.

In truth, sometimes we fall into sin. Or in more appropriate terms, we walk into it. Then someday, we wake up to the bitter truth that we have sold out the faith. Maybe as a result of the moral decadence in today’s society or maybe we are just tired of being broke, or being lonely. It doesn’t matter the reason cos God is not interested in the whys’ or hows’.

At the end of his book, Life After God, Coupland confesses: “Now- here is my secret: I tell it to you with an openness of heart that doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God- that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me to love, as I seem beyond being able to love.” ….. (and my own continuation) to help me resist sin cos I can no longer trust myself in the presence of temptation. To forgive me when I sin cos its getting increasingly difficult to forgive myself; to blot out the memory of my transgression; to cleanse me from my iniquity; to create in me a clean heart.

While alone in the dark, I came to realize that, God lets us pass through trials and temptations to make us stronger and better Christians. Job after all his travails made this remarkable proclamation; “when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold” Job 23:10b. Note: Trials strengthen! Jesus saves!

Presently I’m back to where God wants me to be, sometimes alone in the dark but still walking in the light

 

 

*Dedicated to all those that are alone in the dark and trying to walk in the light!

“if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness”. 1 John 1:10.

#If you’ve read this note, take out a minute and present your deepest fears  and sins to God in prayer. He will answer you. Amen!

Credits: Edward Obinna Onugha

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