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Love is a word that has gained so much popularity in the world. It is a word that cuts across so many facets of life but I will be discussing love as it concerns relationships. The manner in which love is being professed these days seems to me as though it is like money that can be deposited into or withdrawn from a bank account at anytime one pleases. There are a lot of persons who once claimed to have fallen in love and are no longer in love today, this leaves me wondering what then happened to all those relationships? We were no longer in love we may say. This statement then provokes the question; was the feeling we were having actually love? If it was love, why then did it end? Wise King Solomon stated in songs of Solomon 8:7 that, “many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it”. This scripture makes me think that too often the word love which is supposed to be unconditional has been misrepresented with lust (sexual attraction).

One major reason why our world today experiences the proliferation of infidelity and unfaithfulness in relationships is because, most times when a guy tells a lady that he loves her, he is actually consciously (or *unconsciously*) referring to sexuality and not the lady in person! A guy sees many girls walk pass him but once he sets his eyes on a particular girl with body features that are attractive to him (sex appeal), he goes after her and within a week he is so in love! The love he professes is out of libido and not love of the heart and that is why the act of having sex is called “love making”, it is ‘Eros’ which means sexual love. A man/woman in an ‘Eros’ affair, is very likely to have external relationships with persons whose sex appeal surpasses that of their present partner.


Napoleon Hill once wrote, “love affairs not blessed with the eternal affinity of love properly balanced and proportioned with sex cannot be happy ones and seldom endures”. This implies that the feelings existing between a man and a woman must be true love before sexuality can be introduced. Now, for persons who are not married it isn’t advisable for sex to be a part of the relationship because, you aren’t even sure if your partner will end up your spouse! Having pre-marital sex will depreciate your value to your spouse in the future & it will be worse if your spouse’s value had also depreciated. This is one reason why husbands/wives treat their wives/husbands with little or no respect instead of adoring them when the marriage properly begins because, after the wedding comes the marriage! They’ve lost a major percentage of their sexual integrity to persons who weren’t their spouse!

Many young people, who are involved in sexual relationships, keep it secret from their parents and guardians because they know it isn’t right (unfortunately many parents don’t take time to teach us about sexuality, it is like an abomination talking about it & so we tend to embark on an adventure of ‘sexual discovery’ which is one cause of our being trapped in pre-marital sex). Most young men who have pre-marital sex with girls feel very uncomfortable seeing other guys come around their own sisters. They want their sisters’ value to be intact while they are depreciating the value of other young ladies! Like Napoleon also wrote, “when love, romance, and the proper understanding of the emotion and function of sex abide, there is no disharmony between two ‘married’ people”. This goes to say that of course, sex is an ‘almost unavoidable’ necessity but for legal and recognized relationships which is basically marriage.

However, young people should understand that the love being professed every now and then isn’t of the heart but of sex. Relationships are good for us all because they play a vital role in our emotional well-being but they should be built on true love instead of sex. A song writer once asked, “What’s love got to do with it (sex)?” I say if you want to know whether what you are having is true love, withdraw romance & sex from the relationship. If this happens, you will find out that a lot of persons won’t be able to stay in the relationship any longer. They would rather look for new partners that will grant them their sexual desires. The question then is, what about the love we have for our parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and so on, do we have sex or romance with them for us to love them? Certainly not! So why can’t we be in relationships without sex? Truth is, at some point in time based on individuals anyway, we tend to have the urge for sex especially those of us that have been sexually active, but we have to learn how to control our libido. Sometimes you feel ‘cold’ and you need some tender loving care (caressing), well some say they can do that without having sex, but why start what you won’t finish? Bodily romance and caressing has the ultimate goal of sex ‘most’ times (from the angle of the males because we are more libidinous)!

Abstinence I know isn’t easy, but we all know that nothing good comes easy; we have to endure the ‘cold’ to enjoy the ‘gold’. If we can do this, then even when we will be getting married, we are sure that it is out of love and not out of sexual excitement (since marriage now happens to be the escape route from pre-marital sex although I believe that if one gets married to avoid pre-marital sex, then the problem of adultery may most likely come knocking).

Also, you will never know how deep you went until you want to quit or you are faced with a dire repercussion. However, it doesn’t matter how deep we are in illicit sex, what really matters is, do we want to remain in it & keep putting up defenses thereby gambling our future (loss of value, HIV/AIDS which we get scared of going to do a test, falling short of God’s glory & remaining down, etc) or we want to start a conscious process of retracing our steps thereby re-instating our sexual integrity (RETURN TO INNOCENCE!)? I advice we opt for the latter.

Lastly, in as much as we need relationships to help promote our emotional well-being, they are not meant to overshadow the presence of God in our lives. Our relationships should be pleasant to HIM

Credits: Maple Dappa