I am posting this for the benefit of my friends who are yet to be married & even those who are married….it could be helpful in one little way or the other. You can laugh at me if you so wish…lol
On this cool Friday morning as I sat in a bus heading towards Warri, thoughts about my future in marriage kept running through my mind. As I opened up my mind to let the thoughts flow through me, my mind drifts away to the ‘one’ I will be sharing that future with – the one who will become my AMY BERYL.
Although I had once called someone this name, it turned out not to be the real ‘Amy Beryl’. Now as I write this note, I don’t know who my ‘Amy Beryl’ is. It is possible I may have met you but I haven’t known yet. So in case you are out there, I want you to know these things:
First, our life together will not just be a marriage of husband and wife, but a marriage of friendship and partnership. My dad who has been married to my step-mum for over 20 years after leaving my mum steps into my office one evening to talk to me (it was the first time I was to have a father to son chat with him) and this was what he said to me; “son, when you are ready to get married, marry the woman your heart (through God’s guidance) tells you is the one no matter the surrounding circumstances. Don’t make the mistake I made” I didn’t bother asking him what the mistake was because I didn’t want to cut him short in his first time speech to me, but this was what came to my mind, for a man who has been married for over 20 years (without any serious quarrels) to say such, then it goes to say that marriage indeed goes beyond a man and woman union. True marital fulfillment can be better achieved through friendship and partnership in marriage. This is my prayer for us.
Second, as much as it is required of you to recognize me as the head of the home, it is also required of me to recognize you as the neck upon which the head stands. As head and neck we will make decisions together and also both take responsibility for our shortcomings in the union.
Third, together we will prove to others that one may feel loved when kissed and caressed, but it is not the proof of love. The bond which sex creates is also not a proof of love. This will be my own ways of showing my love for you. I will try against all odds to make your fears my fears, your tears my tears, your choice my choice, and even your joy my joy. There are lots of stories I would like to share with you – all I will need are your listening ears. There certainly will be some challenges in trying to do all these, but ‘love’ will conquer all.
Fourth, it doesn’t matter to me, who you’ve been, what matters is who you want to be now. It doesn’t matter the things you’ve done, what matters are the things you want to be doing now. It doesn’t matter where you’ve gone, what matters is where you are going now. As much as I think these things about you, I also want you to think them about me because I have had an ‘ugly’ past as well.
Fifth, I may have been sounding so rosy so far, but the truth is that challenges will come. Especially when we finally settle down into the marriage and you begin to notice some negative things about me which you never did notice before the marriage, please be tolerant and know that I am always willing and ready to learn – teach me. Same goes for me. For every problem that will arise, it is a ‘mere’ challenge that we should face together and so long as our roots are in GOD, we have nothing to fear. The family that prays together stays together.
Also, as days go by, I am seriously working on myself to be to you, a great husband, friend, and partner, to your family, a wonderful in-law, to our children, a great dad, to our guests, a very hospitable host, to our neighbors, an exceptional neighbor. I hope and pray you do likewise. We may not be perfect in this, but let’s put in the effort to plan our future even though we haven’t met.
Lastly, the time is not now and so I don’t know you yet (as my ‘Amy Beryl’ in case I have already met you), but one thing I do know is that wherever you may come from and wherever you may be, I will cross the language barriers and travel the miles just for you. You will be my ‘Beryl’ and I will be your ‘Daryl’. Until our paths cross, I say “God keep us alive!”
Credits: Maple Dappa